Weirdo

Nothing too exciting has happened this week in my business or personal life.  Well, that’s not entirely true, but what is exciting to you is normal life for me.  Like, having to explain how I “fit into” the industry to someone who isn’t knowledgeable on fat models. 

We all want to see change.  We want it to be real.  If we admit it isn’t, then we lose hope.  The weirdos lose hope.  I know because I’m one of those weirdos.  We are weirdos because we live our lives on the outskirts of what is socially acceptable.  Not everyone who is a weirdo wants to be included in mainstream society, but the need to be accepted is human nature.

I’ve always been weird, but it wasn’t until college I was labelled a “weirdo” and I embraced it with open arms.  Never looked back.  Figured being a weirdo was much more entertaining than being normal and the same as everyone else.  In adulthood I have completely embraced this lifestyle of doing things against the norm, yet have fallen prey to the human need of being included.  It’s complicated, but everyone wants to know that they are here for a reason, right?  That someone is listening to the story of their lives?

Being a weirdo in the fashion industry is interesting to say the least.  Moreover, I’m a FAT weirdo.  If I was a skinny weirdo, life would be great.  Like, seriously great.  I would probably be signed to an editorial art agency.  My weirdo decisions for my body wouldn’t be questioned or met with the disgust at the rate they are currently.  I understand how things in my life could change if I lost weight, but it doesn’t make me want to lose weight.  Why do I have to lose weight for people to listen to what I have to say?  That is ridiculous.

If I was just fat, but didn’t have my tattoos or yellow hair, life would be easier, too, in the industry.  I could market myself as commercial and sell clothes.  Designers and brands would both be interested in using me as their next live mannequin.  Even if I was fat and had yellow hair, at least I would be instructed to wear a wig or two to land a job.  Not many people would be completely turned off by it.

BUT THIS ISN’T THE CASE.  I am who I am, and I like who I am.  Is it frustrating?  Of course.  Is it worth it?  Of course.  I get to be the weirdo fat model who isn’t “gorgeous” by society’s standards to knock down walls and walk through doors.  It won’t happen overnight.  It often doesn’t happen currently.  It’s the way the industry is.  It’s changing, but they can’t have too much weird at one time.  It makes people uncomfortable.  People don’t like change, so change in the smallest increments is best.  I make people change too fast; I get it, but I don’t like it.  That is why I keep doing what I do, what makes me happy, and hope that the industry catches up to what I’m doing sooner than later.