In My Feelings

I am an emotional person.  It wasn't until recently that someone called me an empath.  Some who know me would laugh at that sentiment because I generally hate everyone.  Just because I don't like people doesn't mean that I don't have emotions or cannot experience empathy towards others.  It just means I would rather not...

I'm that person who cries at sappy commercials, at happy reunions in sitcoms, when the jerk becomes the prince in rom-coms, when the dog dies in a drama, and when the deaf people in the Starbucks drive-thru are able to use video when ordering.  Yeah, that's right, I basically get on Facebook and cry the whole time.  Or, I am furious because our nation is going to Hell and a Cheeto is taking us there.  Ya know, normal daily emotions.  

Also recently, I discovered that what I do as a model has become directly linked to my emotions.  I suffered some pretty damn big heartbreak in 2016, and I tapped out of the modeling world for a bit.  I realized that what I had been bringing to the table was beauty and self-love, genuine love in the world, and I was lost...so lost that I bowed out for a couple months.  I didn't shoot hardly at all from September to January.  

Some artists use heartache to draw from, but trying to spread love in the world when my heart was broken just wasn't in the cards for me.  Slowly I'm getting back into it though.  I've decided I don't want to go without creating any longer, so creating is what I'll do.  Back around the New Year, my sister (lifestyle photographer in Spokane, WA, link here) wanted Auntie-Nephew photos of me and her little one.  That was the first time I was in front of a lens in months.  I got home to LA, and I shot again in the desert with bopo babes just recently.  Now this weekend, I'm shooting again.  

This weekend is about reclaiming.  I plan on crying and laughing and re-centering myself through my art.  I won't give too much away but I'm shooting art nudes with a Facebook friend out of Palm Springs (first shoot together) and there will be a tub and a robe involved.   It will be my first big creative shoot since my heartbreak and I'm ready for it.  

I apologize if you may be used to reading blog posts that have some kind of beginning-middle-end to them, but this is much more like my diary.  So, deal with it.  I want to wrap up today by telling you that I've come to terms with being an emotional person.  Sometimes it can be overwhelming, but then I realize this is just my body and my emotions doing their thing.  Who am I to keep myself from being normal?  Just let yourself be.  I'm always up in my feelings, and that's ok.