I'm Late

Ok, so, I was supposed to be trying to get these blogs on Tuesday or Wednesday but I failed this week. It's Friday and I'm barely getting to this blog.

It's been a weird week. I've been taking low doses of CBD and feeling ok. But, also been stressed and busy so who's to say what's going on in my brain right now.

I am headed to Tess's book signing in LA on Saturday, so I'm looking forward to that. Making a day of it and heading to The Plus Bus for Winston and Whiskey, a party for the new big guy's clothing subscription box Winston. I also have two video pose coaching sessions this weekend, as well as my own shoot.

I am a little nervous for this shoot on Sunday and I'll tell you why: fat models doing the androgynous look are often heavily ridiculed. The shooting I'm not worried about, it's the trolls afterward. There's a dread that I can't shake. I know the photos will be amazing but I don't want to deal with trolls. Maybe I'll just take the comments off when I post them? I don't know. I get asked if I'm a man on a somewhat regular basis on social media - this will only fuel the phobia on the interwebs.

Next weekend is the Slut Walk though, and I'm thinking of going. Large crowds aren't my favorite but I may be there with a brand I started working with. I'll keep you posted. If you are going to the Slut Walk, send me a DM on IG and let me know!

Shameless plug for video pose coaching. I do video pose coaching now! Still doing a deal for $20/hr and we can chat via Skype, FaceTime, or Facebook. Email me and we will talk about some things and get you signed up for a slot - megan@megankimberling.com. You don't have to be a model, in fact I love working with bloggers, influencers, executives, and activists all trying to give themselves the gift of self-confidence and angles.

This week was kind of rambling but it is what it is. I'll try to come back to mid-week postings.

New Things

I'm going to be looking into trying some new things for my mental health and it's scary. If you don't know, I've dealt with PTSD (and the anxiety that comes along) for a couple years now. Luckily, my paranoia and fear is very mild; flashbacks don't really happen much for me anymore. But this anxiety... 

Honestly, I think I had some level of anxiety disorder prior to PTSD and getting PTSD has exasperated it. When I first realized something was different, I went to my doctor and she gave me a low dose of anxiety medication. The psychiatrist took me off it in about six weeks because, apparently, the dose was so small it wasn't doing anything anyway. 

I dealt with my PTSD via therapy. It was fine. I was doing well. She gave me the go-ahead to have the option to end our sessions. That was great until a few months later when I was re-traumatized.  

This spring, I was out on a shoot and a man re-traumatized me through inappropriate sexual actions. I was not physically harmed, but my paranoia and insomnia came roaring back with anxiety in tow.  

It has been hard. Again. But this time I think I'm going to try something new. I'm educating myself and am hoping to try it out in the next month or two. 

Fingers crossed!  

Big Fat Announcement (Pun Intended)

I'm now offering video pose coaching sessions! 

Affordable hourly sessions via most video chat avenues. You can sign up here: www.megankimberling.com/contact.  

Please include:

  • the day that works best for you
  • the time of day that works best for you
  • what level of experience you have 
  • what your goal level is 

Intro price of $20/hr right now for a limited time!

Texas

Y'all I just wrote a long ass post and Chrome crashed.  Fuck.  

Moral of the story was "Don't donate to The Red Cross, instead donate to places like the Hurricane Harvey Fund at the Greater Houston Community Foundation which is linked HERE SO JUST CLICK HERE."

We want money and things to get to those who need them NOW, not later.  Donate wisely.  Donate to groups that are handing out to marginalized and low-income/impoverished neighborhoods first because those people will need the most help.  

I'll be in Texas this weekend for The Curvy Industry Experience pool party and fashion show where Bethany and I will be showing MEG x SBB for the first time ever in person.  I'm extrememly excited, and I cannot wait to see these pieces come to life!

It's My Birthday

Ok, so yesterday was my birthday. Close enough. I turned 29. The number isn't bothering me as much as how emotional I've become surrounding my birthday. 

I have anxiety, this is true, but I've never experienced my anxiety this heavily around my birthday. The combination of not being with family, working too hard at my job, and just life has gotten the best of me this year.  

I think about what I want in life and how to get it. Where I am in life and where I want to be. The memories I have of my journey of 29 years. It's heavy. 

Then, I realize I'm not the only one who does this. Is your birthday a time of reflection, too? Am I not the only one who experiences a lot of emotions around their birthday? How does it manifest for you? 

I also think it's hard being a social person but anxiety makes it much more difficult to be that social person I once was. I want to have a party, be surrounded by those I care about, eat/drink/be merry. But, I also just want to stay home and binge Netflix. I'm trying to navigate my anxiety the best I can.